I’m feeling very fortunate that my schedule has finally aligned with Zabie’s so I could meet her in person. Nearly two years ago, I saw a news clip about a woman who ran a trauma-informed yoga class. And of course, I knew immediately that this glorious woman had to be found.
Zabie teaches a yoga class and even has a self-paced online course. This Friday I attended her trauma healing circle and yoga class with several other women. Having a safe space to express myself with people who fully understand the complexities of trauma and the healing process was affirming and validating. We learned about how similar our experiences, reactions, and feelings are, fully understanding that we are not alone.
I was reminded that healing is not linear, although I’ve talked and written about it, hearing it again served as permission for me to forgive myself. I’m still going to talk, cry, and scream about it as long as the trauma surfaces and I take care to understand how it has impacted my life.
In a rare moment, I was able to let go and during meditation I cried. This moment allowed me the space to feel vulnerable and relaxed. And I was fine; there was a sense of relief in this release of rigidity, armor, and overarching need to feel in control. Energy in the form of a warm wave traveled from my belly down to my toes and back again. The act of connecting with myself, these feelings, and the impact of trauma were happening all at once. Despite these conflicts, I still felt safe and grounded in a deep sense of clarity through the experience.
Zabie walked us through poses and breathing exercises that were comfortable to each yogi. There was no correction or emphasis on the right placement of this hand or that foot. It was the first time in a class where I felt that I could simply be. My existence on the mat was enough. Comfort became my focus and I continued to embody my intention.
Last April, I signed up for the online course Transcending Sexual Trauma Through Yoga. Armed with my healing hiatus from work, I knew that therapy (group and individual sessions) and self-care were all going to be my magic bullet. But I quickly found myself overwhelmed and stopped before completing the first week.
One thought that plagued me was how all my significant traumas were all related to sex. Something so important to the human experience had been forced upon me at various stages in my life. Negotiating all the feelings that surrounded this revelation became very difficult and somehow the yoga course seemed to represent how much I didn’t like myself and my body being used as a worthless thing to be conquered.
This healing circle and yoga is the aspect of self-care that I hadn’t considered, but definitely needed. I have joined a new community of women who are at various stages in their healing, but are all willing to show up and be present for themselves in a circle of sisterhood. We are all expressions of strength, resilience, and beauty that need to be honored and revered.